Employment Opportunity
Posted by Akhilleus
JOB LISTING: Federal Government Posting: Attorney General of the United States. Apply White House.
REQUIREMENTS: Do what you're told. Step on minorities. Degrade women. Excoriate LGBTQ community. Find legal (or not) ways to screw people who won't vote for Republicans. Attack voting rights. Prosecute leakers. Vilify the media. Do what you're told. Cover president's ass at all times. Forget recusals, no matter what. Never investigate president. Ever. Take any and all legal bullets meant for White House. Never utter the word "Russian" except when ordering a drink. Never admit anything to Democrats in congress. Do what you're told.
EXPERIENCE: None required (see Secretary of Energy, State, Education, Housing and Urban Development, EPA, Treasury, Agriculture, Commerce, Health and Human Services, etc.)
QUALIFICATIONS: Knowledge of law or the Constitution not needed. Primary qualification is unquestioning obedience and mindless loyalty to the Leader. He will provide any and all legal justifications needed to fulfill job requirements. Trust him. He knows all the best laws.
Additional: Pay no attention to the way the current AG is being treated. It's all fake news. If you qualify, you won't have to worry about being publicly humiliated, thrown under multiple buses, called names, lied about, or have your judgement and mental capacity challenged. That's a promise.
Salary: TBD--based on loyalty (with "small" kickback to president for re-election campaign fund and assorted "philanthropic" organizations, Donald J. Trump Foundation, eg.)
Perks: Dwell in the presence of greatness. Inside tips on hair coloring and the best self-tanning products.
Reader Comments (3)
@Akhilleus: This job posting is misleading. You forgot to note: "Temporary Position. Assignment to last no longer than six months."
Gail Collins' helpful column aside, I'm really not sure why Trump doesn't just fire JeffBo & call a temp agency for a replacement. Not sure what the going rate for temporary AG's is, but it's probably less than $15/hour. And no benefits! If the temp gets sick, Trump can just call the agency for another gal or guy.
Marie
Oh, how I wish these qualifications could be on the front pages of all the "fake news" papers––what a kick! It might result in a deluge of takers––the "common" man/woman takes pen in hand eager to be part of the hell hole that even Alice wouldn't venture down.
I especially liked the "dwell in the presence of greatness"––so inviting, so captivating, so seductive. Those tiny hands would pass over them like a benediction, to soothe and still their shiver.
Oh yeah! The best and the brightest will surely be lining up to submit their résumés for these short term (temporary) positions.
Their future résumés will include: "Managed to last at least 8 weeks with the Trump administration." This would indicate the applicant's extraordinary ability to withstand insults, put up with bullshit, and willingness to suffer public debasement.