The Commentariat -- August 17, 2015
Internal links removed.
CW: I've added two news feeds -- the New York Times & Google News-- in the right column & have updated the Reuters feed to make it more readable. The Google feed is on a continuous crawl, but you'll have to refresh Reality Chex to update the other two feeds. (I found the crawl rather distracting, & now that I look at it, I think it may repeat the same crawl until you refresh the page -- not sure.) Together, the feeds should keep you up-to-the-minute on major news.
[Expecting brutal interrogations to extract good intelligence is like] banging a hammer on a radio to get a better signal. It doesn't enhance cognition. It only makes it worse. -- psychiatrist & former CIA officer Andy Morgan ...
** ... Peter Aldhous of BuzzFeed: "... there's little evidence that adversarial interrogations work -- unless your goal is obtaining a high rate of false confessions.... Over the past five years, a small group of researchers has pulled together a body of evidence about what works in getting people to give up their secrets. It has nothing to do with abuse and coercion. Instead, it borrows methods from psychotherapy to get suspects talking and uses the science of how our brains process information to separate truth from lies.... Rather than focusing on stress, the new interrogation research program has concentrated on interviewing techniques that help people remember details about events -- and make it harder for liars to keep their story together." Congress has an opportunity this year to write the well-researched interrogation techniques into the Army Field Manual. But it's Congress.
... BTW, Jeb! and other GOP candidates (Trump, Graham, Rubio, Carson) evidently get their policy views from watching teevee shows, because in recent weeks they have assured us that torture works.
Glenn Kessler of the Washington Post: Sen. Chuck Schumer's (D-N.Y.) claim that "At non-designated sites it will take 24 days to get an inspection" is not true. "... that's the maximum, not the minimum.... It's also important to recognize that this provision was intended to strengthen the system of enhanced inspections and limit Iran's ability to hide unauthorized activities." Its purpose is to exact consequences; i.e., sanctions, on Iran & make it tougher for them to hide nuclear activity.
Jelani Cobb of the New Yorker: Hurricane "Katrina didn't usher in a new narrative about race in America as much as it confirmed an old one.... Hurricanes, earthquakes, and floods are natural phenomena; disasters, however, are often the work of humankind." Cobb recounts Herbert Hoover's response to the Great Flood of 1927. ...
... Adam Liptak of the New York Times: "In Louisiana's Caddo Parish, where Shreveport is the parish seat, a study to be released Monday has found that prosecutors used peremptory challenges three times as often to strike black potential jurors as others during the last decade. That is consistent with patterns researchers found earlier in Alabama, Louisiana and North Carolina, where prosecutors struck black jurors at double or triple the rates of others. In Georgia, prosecutors excluded every black prospective juror in a death penalty case against a black defendant, which the Supreme Court has agreed to review this fall."
Garrett Epps of the Atlantic: "... religious freedom is ... not a right to be a county clerk and decide which citizens you will serve and which you won't.... If a person can perform the duties of a job with some adjustment for religious belief, that's an accommodation. If they're not willing to do the job, they have to leave. That's not just a requirement of law; honor requires it as well. Government in particular has an obligation to dismiss any employee who claims a right to discriminate against citizens.... Government serves everyone, and the preferences of its employees aren't relevant in that regard.... Human equality is as important as religious freedom, and any sane discussion has to balance the two."
... ** "Maybe They'll Change the Law." Garrett Epps remembers Julian Bond.
Michael Shear & Gardiner Harris of the New York Times: President Obama "is preparing for his postpresidency with the same fierce discipline and fund-raising ambition that characterized the 2008 campaign that got him to the White House.... The president, first lady and a cadre of top aides [are] map[ping] out a postpresidential infrastructure and endowment they estimate could cost as much as $1 billion."
Amazon a Great Place to Work, Sez Amazon. Nick Gass of Politico: Former White House press secretary, "Jay Carney, [now] Amazon's senior vice president for corporate global affairs, defended the company Monday after a report in The New York Times found the Seattle-based retail giant to have a 'bruising,' uncompromising workplace with a high turnover rate and lofty expectations.... Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos also responded to the story in an email, writing to employees that the Times article 'doesn't describe the Amazon I know' and that he would leave a company that treated its employees the way the piece characterized its practices...." ...
... The aptly-named Peter Kafka of re/code republishes Bezos' e-mailed response to "Amazonians." CW: Now let's hear from Justin Dickens.
Republicans More Likely than Democrats to Be in Denial. David Leonhardt of the New York Times: Two professors write that "Among married people between the ages of 20 and 60, 67 percent of Republicans report being 'very happy' with their marriages. Among Democrats, the share was 60, as it is among independents.... That gap shrank [to 3 percent] when the researchers factored in demographic differences between parties. Whites and the religiously observant are both more likely to be Republicans and more likely to report having happy marriages.... Even among people with the same demographic profile, Republicans are slightly more likely than Democrats to say they are happily married." ...
... CW: Okay, a misleading headline. I do think, tho, that conservatives are constitutionally less forthcoming & less willing to admit (even to themselves) that all is not well. In addition, they tend to face stronger cultural pressures to maintain a good front. Ergo, a more definitive study would look beyond direct Q&A as the means to determine "happiness" quotients. All this study demonstrates is that Republicans are slightly more likely to report they are in happy marriages, not that their marriages are actually happier than Democrats'.
Presidential Race
Ana Marie Cox interviews Bernie Sanders for the New York Times. ...
... Darren Sands of BuzzFeed: "After protests twice derailed campaign events in recent weeks, the Bernie Sanders campaign has asked to meet with Black Lives Matter activists in Washington. In an email obtained by BuzzFeed News, the campaign's African-American outreach director, Marcus Ferrell, told a group of activists that Sanders wanted a more formal interaction. As a sitting U.S. senator, the meeting could be arranged as a means of 'possibly introducing legislation and making a constitutional change. We would like to know what YOU would like to see happen.'... On Sunday, Sanders told Meet The Press that the message had been sent out without his knowledge by a staffer, that the campaign was reaching out to all kinds of groups, that Black Lives Matter was important, and that he did not think the campaign needed to apologize for the delay in officially reaching out."
Chuck says Bernie was the most popular candidate at the fair:
Ruby Cramer of BuzzFeed: "... how Hillary Clinton's campaign tries, fails, and sometimes succeeds to make the candidate available to the people outside the literal human barrier -- reporters, cameras, photoseekers, security agents, and hecklers -- that follows wherever she goes." If you want to talk to Clinton, you have to know somebody who knows somebody ...
... OR you could go to a relatively small-buck Clinton fundraiser on the Vineyard. ...
... Amy Chozick of the New York Times on the same topic: "The challenge for Mrs. Clinton today is that she cannot entirely shed the layers of staff and security -- and the news media mob -- that come with being Hillary Rodham Clinton. It does not help that she is often compared with her husband, former President Bill Clinton, who was known for his ability to connect with voters, and who has the capacity to upstage the former first lady at joint appearances." Also, too, reporters keep asking about those damned e-mails.
** Paul Krugman: "What's puzzling about the renewed Republican assault on Social Security is that it looks like bad politics as well as bad policy. Americans love Social Security, so why aren't the candidates at least pretending to share that sentiment? The answer, I'd suggest, is that it's all about the big money.... By a very wide margin, ordinary Americans want to see Social Security expanded. But by an even wider margin, Americans in the top 1 percent want to see it cut.... What this means, in turn, is that the eventual Republican nominee -- assuming that it's not Mr. Trump -- will be committed not just to a renewed attack on Social Security but to a broader plutocratic agenda. Whatever the rhetoric, the GOP is on track to nominate someone who has won over the big money by promising government by the 1 percent, for the 1 percent."
CW: I was wrong about who won the most important political debate since Lincoln-Douglas. Philip Bump of the Washington Post: "... we can, as objectively as possible, declare a winner: Ben Carson, who saw a five-point jump in the polls -- a 71 percent increase over where he was two weeks ago.... Sen. Ted Cruz (Tex.) also saw a big jump, rising four points. Carly Fiorina gained three -- impressive because it more than doubled her support. She clearly won the early-bird debate." Both Carson & Cruz spoke at a higher grade-level (8th- & 9th-grade, respectively) than Trump (4th grade) & Kasich (5th). ...
"Aggregating the Wacko Bird Vote." Ed Kilgore: "... 53% of respondents in that Fox News national poll support Trump, Carson, Cruz or Huckabee, which is more than twice the percentage supporting Bush, Walker, Rubio, Kasich or Christie combined. Of the four candidates commanding the majority, I'd have to say that at this point Ted Cruz is the 'moderate.' He's not, after all, threatening to unleash the military on women seeking an abortion like Huck or dismissing international rules against torture as 'political correctness' like Carson or talking about dunning Mexico for building a wall across the southern border after deporting 11 million people like Trump." ...
... CW: Might have something to do with 40 years of touting the edict of Ronaldus Maximus:
Brad Mielke of ABC News: Donald Trump shows up for jury duty in Manhattan.
Loaves & Fishes. Melinda Henneberger of Bloomberg attended a Trump event in Hampton, New Hampshire yesterday: "... very little of what the conservatives in the hall were going wild over could be characterized as conservative, and most of it wasn't political at all.... Sure, there's not a little paternalism in his promises: 'The women haven't been taken care of properly,' he said at the Iowa State Fair. But could it be that Republicans like the prospect of a free lunch as well as the next guy?" CW: Of course. They just want to make sure everybody at the free-lunch table looks just like them. ...
... Maxwell Tani of Business Insider: "Donald Trump went back and forth with NBC host Chuck Todd on Sunday in one of his most combative interviews since announcing his presidential candidacy earlier this summer. In a 37-minute conversation on 'Meet The Press,' Todd pushed Trump on a wide range of issues with which the real-estate magnate would presumably be confronted if he won the presidency in 2016. It forced Trump to be on the defensive on everything from his college record, to outsourcing, to the US role in NATO":
... Sean Sullivan of the Washington Post: "Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump says that undocumented immigrants 'have to go,' and he has vowed to undo President Obama's Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program. The comments underscore how Trump, who has regularly stoked controversy with comments on illegal immigration and border security, is running a very conservative campaign centered on the issues -- and one that puts him to the right of some of his key primary opponents. On Sunday, Trump released a position paper on immigration and border security that called on Mexico to pay for a wall on the southern border of the United States and force the 'mandatory return of all criminal aliens' to their home countries. Trump made his comments during a wide-ranging interview with Chuck Todd airing Sunday on NBC's 'Meet the Press.'" ...
... Nick Gass: "Donald Trump's immigration plan: mass deportation.... Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-Ala.), an immigration hard-liner with whom Trump consulted on the issue, praised it as 'exactly the plan American needs.'... Meanwhile, Trump's fellow GOP candidate Sen. Lindsey Graham slammed his immigration position in an appearance on CBS' 'Face the Nation' on Sunday. 'Our leading contender, Mr. Trump, is going backward on immigration,' Graham remarked. 'And I think he's going to take all of us with him if we don't watch it.'" ...
... CW: In supporting Trump's mass deportation plan, Sen. Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III said that "a governing elite" has "shunned" "loyal, everyday Americans." Apparently the chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee (the committee that incidentally voted against his nomination for a federal judgeship in 1986) does not qualify as a member of the "governing elite." ...
... When a Vanity Candidacy Gets Real. Greg Sargent: "... Donald Trump rolling out a new, and highly specific, immigration plan has been more than a little unsettling: It shows that Trump is now genuinely playing in the GOP primaries to win, and reveals in stark relief how exactly he intends to go about doing that.... One crucial component of his plan is the justification for it. He is absolutely clear in blaming the suffering of American workers on immigration policies."
I watch the shows. -- Donald Trump, explaining how he gets his foreign policy acumen, "the shows" being "Press the Meat," et al.
... I mean, I really see a lot of great – you know, when you watch your show and all of the other shows and you have the generals.... Yeah, probably there are two or three. I mean, I like [former UN ambassador John Bolton]. I think he's, you know, a tough cookie, knows what he's talking about. -- Donald Trump, elaborating on his foreign policy views
Let's see. Would you rather have a president who gets his advice from Tuck & the Talking Generals or one who turns to Dubya & the Neocon Band? -- Constant Weader
Alexandra Jaffe of NBC News: "Donald Trump said it would be a 'miracle' if Hillary Clinton is able to continue her run for president in the wake of the controversy surrounding her use of a private email server ...." ...
General Petraeus, his life has been destroyed. And he did 5% of what she did. So assuming she's able to run -- which would be absolutely, to me, a miracle at this point -- I will beat her. -- Donald Trump
John Amato of Crooks & Liars: "Ben Carson joined Chris Wallace on Fox News Sunday.... His entire appearance was of the head banging, brain cell destroying variety.... Carson believes that if you disagree with his policy positions regarding Israel, you're anti-Semitic." Wallace asked Carson to defend his Jerusalem Post op-ed in which Carson claimed President Obama , during a "diatribe," repeatedly used "coded innuendos employing standard anti-Semitic themes." Here's how Carson's defended his claim to Wallace: "I think anything is anti-Semitic that is against the survival of a state that is surrounded by enemies and by people who want to destroy them. And to sort of ignore that and to act like everything is normal there and that these people are paranoid, I think that's anti-Semitic." ...
... Walking It Back. Rosie Gray of BuzzFeed: "Asked by BuzzFeed News whether his comments Sunday morning suggesting that by negotiating the Iran deal, President Obama is anti-Semitic, were really meant to to accuse Obama himself of being anti-Semitic, Carson said no, but, 'The things that were being said that are accusatory -- I have an article coming out tomorrow, you can read all about it.'" CW: What a refreshing approach to mudslinging: (1) sling mud, (2) pretend you didn't know it was mud, (3) put the mud back in the bucket. ...
... Anyway, it matters because "Carson was mobbed at the fair.... Carson is, suddenly, a main contender in Iowa, where according to recent polling he's second behind Donald Trump ... -- some people arrived two hours early in the blazing sun to get seats for Carson's speech -- indicated that the enthusiasm is very real, and that Carson is not the only beneficiary of this year's surge of anti-Washington sentiment."
Paul Mulshine of the New Jersey Star Ledger outlines the myriad reasons he thinks Chris Christie should return to his day job. ...
... In another Requiem for a Candidate, Dave Weigel of the Washington Post remembers the "libertarian moment": "One year ago, in a flag-planting cover story for the New York Times magazine, Robert Draper asked whether a 'libertarian moment' had come at last.... The memorable art for the story was a fuzzed-out image of Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.), patterned after a hardcore show flyer, with a date of 11/8/16. Election Day. The image made sense at the time; increasingly, it looks like a nostalgia piece. This August has tagged Rand Paul's presidential bid as officially 'embattled.'"
Beyond the Beltway
Florida Officials Discover Frivolous Lawsuits Are Expensive. Anna Phillips of the Tampa Bay Times: "After losing its yearslong defense of Florida's same-sex marriage ban, the state is arguing it shouldn't have to pay the full cost of its crusade. Last week, Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi objected to a motion concerning legal fees from lawyers who represented gay couples seeking to have their marriages recognized in Florida.... Bondi's response came three days after Gov. Rick Scott agreed to pay a Tallahassee lawyer $700,000 in settlement costs for a public records lawsuit."
Katleen Gray of the Detroit Free Press: "While much has been written about the extramarital affair and alleged bizarre cover-up of the relationship between state Reps. Todd Courser [RTP] and Cindy Gamrat [RTP], their work life in Lansing and in their districts also is coming under increased scrutiny.... Even before news of the affair and alleged cover-up surfaced, constituents in their districts ... were unhappy with how the two were performing their jobs back home.... On Saturday, Courser released a 1,900-word, scripture-laden confessional on his Facebook page.... The Republican parties of both Lapeer and Allegan counties are meeting Thursday to take up resolutions calling on the two lawmakers to resign."
CW: With all due respect to native Americans, I'm think that baby-jumping is not the safest rite of passage. Via Driftglass, who expects to see GOP hopefuls adopt the practice in the next debate -- in an effort to clinch the AmerIndian vote, no doubt:
News Ledes
NBC News: "Attorneys for Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev appealed his conviction and death sentence on Monday, arguing that publicity made it impossible for him to get a fair trial in the city and that capital punishment is unconstitutional."
Bloomberg: "Northwestern University football players cannot form a union, the National Labor Relations Board ruled, overturning a March 2014 decision and ending the players' bid to change the college sports landscape. In its unanimous decision, the labor board skirted the issue of whether the players are employees and left open the door to other college athletes winning the right to unionize."
New York Times: An Indonesian spotter plane on Monday photographed the wreckage of a commercial aircraft that crashed in stormy weather in a remote area of the eastern province of Papua the previous day, probably killing all 54 people aboard, an official said, but search operations were halted because of darkness."
AP: "A bomb exploded at a popular shrine near a key political protest site in central Bangkok on Monday evening, the government said, reportedly killing more than a dozen people and injuring many others."
AP: "A U.S. Army skydiver who had served five tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan died Sunday from injuries suffered in a midair collision with another jumper during a stunt at the Chicago Air & Water Show, authorities said. Sgt. 1st Class Corey Hood of Cincinnati, Ohio, who had recently turned 32, was pronounced dead Sunday afternoon at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago, said Mario Johnson, a Cook County medical examiner's investigator."
Reader Comments (13)
Good column by Charles Blow in the NYT this morning:
http://nyti.ms/1DX32fY
on Bernie vs the BLM movement.
Contains a lengthy quote from MLK on his disappointment with white moderates, which might very well have inspired Phil Ochs' song 'Love Me I'm a Liberal'. Ochs pretty much paraphrased it.
Our otiose Representative Cindy Gamrat (RTP) ran on a platform of
faith, family and freeeeedom and possibly another F word which just
about covers all that she has accomplished. She and Courser aren't
being asked to resign because of their extramarital affair. Courser
used taxpayer paid staff to issue cover up emails, one of which was
that Courser would claim he was seeing a male prostitute on the side
so when the real story came out he could claim "it's just another one
of those smear campaigns", or as he called it "inoculation of the herd". He must think his constituents are animals.
Forrest,
I think remarks such as Courser's comparison of his constituents (actually, his Confederate constituents) to animals is most revealing. I don't know if it's fair to treat this statement as representative of all or even most Confederate pols but I do believe there is a fair amount of gamesplaying going on over on the right. I think a lot of them toss out the crazy and the red meat in a cynical attempt to whip up ignoramuses, and when I hear Harvard educated guys like Rubio and Cruz straining to keep from admitting that the universe is older than 6,000 years in order not to upset the idiots, it's pretty clear that although they're keeping their real thoughts hidden, I'm guessing they have a less than salutary opinion of their supporters.
In Courser's case it's pretty clear that he's not an anti-vaxxer, even if he pretends to be one to impress "the herd". Otherwise he wouldn't be talking about inoculation.
The whole business (the Courser/Gamrat in flagrante affair and aftermath) is emblematic of a deep rooted cynicism, hypocrisy and deceitfulness that festers on the right. Add to that the massive internal contradictions of Confederate political and social theory and what must be the enormous psychological weight of pretending that everything is right and perfect on their side, and you have the makings of a pretty dark and fucked up night of the soul for adherents to a world view based on mendacity, quackery and hatred.
That is, if they ever thought much about it, which, apparently they don't. Maybe "herd" is the right word after all.
I am, and have been for some time, completely out to sea on the Ben Carson thing.
How is it that this guy garners so much support? You can't say he's an idiot because clearly his skill in the medical field (yes, even his use of dead baby tissue for research), is self-evident. But highly skilled individuals are not immune from idiotic ideas, and Carson has nearly cornered the market on idiocy.
Is it that they love the idea of having their very own pet black man who hates Obama as much as they do? Is it because his pedigree as a brilliant surgeon who holds beliefs just as cuckoo as their own gives them comfort that a guy who doesn't appear to be a mouthbreather holds similar opinions? Is it the thrill of hearing a black man call other black Americans takers and moochers, and who voices support for draconian measures to punish poor people?
Whatever it is, his sustained support also indicates that there aren't many on the right who are very concerned or even very informed about policy, about governance, or the Constitution, American history, or even the law. He doesn't. And they don't care that he doesn't. That says a lot.
The fact that the less you know, the farther you can go on the right says a lot too.
Interviewer: "Mr.Trump, where do you get your news?"
Trump: "I watch the shows"
Interviewer: "Ms. Palin, where do you get your news?"
Palin: "er................."
Which is better? A complete ignoramus, or someone who gets his ideas from other ignoramuses?
Holy Christ, this is the best they have to offer?
Oh, wait. Then there's this guy:
Interviewer: "President Bush, where do you get your news?"
Bush: "I don't. I make it up."
Oh that's much better.
A slightly different perspective on last night's Krugman, which I wrote as a letter to the editor the other day....
"So Chris Christie would save Social Security by curtailing benefits for the wealthy?
A sensible solution to Social Security’s distant financial problem? Or an unintended hint about the diabolical worm eating at its heart?
Christie argues that because our population is aging and people are living longer, over time there will be proportionately fewer workers to support the system, leading to inevitable insolvency. So reducing benefits for those who don't need them is only fair and reasonable.
But before we swallow Christie’s fantasy whole, let's take a closer look at Social Security’s purpose and actual finances.
As the FICA (the Federal Insurance Contribution Act) tax paid by workers and employers says, Social Security is insurance, not welfare. Social Security was instituted to assist the blind, the disabled, and elderly wage earners, those least able to sustain themselves by working. In the 1960's, when medical costs for seniors began to skyrocket, Medicare was added to the Social Security package.
Thanks to the Reagan-era FICA tax hike, the Social Security Trust Fund surplus is currently projected to grow through 2020, guaranteeing full benefits to recipients until 2033. .
Our aging population is not Social Security’s biggest problem. No, the worm eating its heart are the wealthy who are already withdrawing from Social Security by not paying for it.
High- income wage earners do not pay FICA tax on yearly income over $110,000. FICA is also not paid on unearned income like capital gains, now more than twenty five percent of the national income pie. Once again, middle class wage and salaried workers are picking up the tab.
Simply applying FICA tax to all income would render Social Security solvent for everyone for lifetimes to come.
Funny that Christie, Wall Street shill, Rightwing wolf in sheep’s clothing, didn’t mention that."
Jeff Bezos seems to have developed a brilliant new business model. But hang on, it may not be all that new.
Let's see.
Attack your fellow workers.
Foment internal strife.
Go Machiavellian or go home.
Spread disinformation.
Suveil and inform.
I think maybe Bezos may have picked up this model from one of the books he sells:
History of the Stasi
Or maybe this is just a new form of Libertarianism. In which case, I'd suggest another book for Bezos' nightstand.
File this on the dire consequences of re-segregating some Florida schools in the "What the F...!!" column.
http://www.tampabay.com/projects/2015/investigations/pinellas-failure-factories/5-schools-segregation/
Couldn't tell from the story--I did read it hurriedly--or pictures if any of the school board members who voted for the re-segregation plan were Black.
Maybe Marie has some Florida-specific insight on this one.
"I’ll be on a beach somewhere drinking out of a coconut.” Doesn't it make you feel better you voted for such a sensible guy? (see above cited article by Shear and Harris). I guess it's my loss I never voted for an ex-president who paints his toes in a bathtub.
Thanks for your efforts here RealityChexers; some of us in low-bandwidth corners of the globe appreciate it.
Just wondering if the propeller-hatted wingnuts in Iowa this weekend noticed that Trumpy descended upon them in a Black Helicopter.
Isn't this the sort of early warning sign for really bad shit that Alex Jones and the bat-shit crazy Breitbart types are always looking for?
Maybe Trump needs to get himself an island then fly his supporters in for a few days of Confederate fantasy time. He can hire Li'l Randy and put him in a white suit so he can run up and say "Boss, de plane. De plane, boss."
Thanks for adding the news feeds. I don't find the continuous feed objectionable.
Loved the article about how Confederates are sooooo freakin' happy in their marriages. More so than cheating, no-good, marriage hating lib'ruls.
Hmmm....I wonder how this conclusion stacks up against other numbers. Why, f'rinstance, are the top ten divorce states all red, nary a blue state within hailing distance of a divorce lawyer?
The top five states for ending marriages (guess they can't all be happy, now, can they?) are Oklahoma, Arkansas, Alaska, Alabama, and Kentucky. So how is it that red staters have so many happily married people?
Oh, wait. I know. Like so many other Confederates (lookin' at you Newtie. You too Trumpy) who do the Morality Tango, they're happy being married but only after their third of fourth marriage. They thought it was for life, but the nice judge gave them a full pardon. (Apologies to Philip Barry).
Now it makes sense.
@Ak,
A friend had two quips:
"Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence."
"If I had just shot her instead of marrying her I'd be out of jail by now."
The second would seem most appropriate for those gun-fondling red state types.